In family law, legal advice often blends into personal advice or even counseling. No, most lawyers are not qualified to help clients in these areas, but as outsiders newly involved with the family, some patterns do become obvious to us. And sometimes it can help to point out these patterns.
The vast majority of work in family law involves the client in conflict with their former spouse. There are varying degrees of conflict, from minimally annoying each other to outright warfare with physical violence. With the lesser forms of conflict, an old adage sometimes applies - you decide how to let people treat you.
We regularly have clients calling to complain about the horrible things their ex says to them in their lengthy phone, or in emails or texts that go back and forth for hours. Sometimes the new partner or the extended family are also calling to be abusive. The question is - why take the call? Why read the text or email? Why respond at all? Why bother engaging in the destructive conversation? Hang up the phone, and keep hanging up until he or she gets the hint and stops calling. Don't respond to insulting or ridiculous texts. Just don't. If conversations in person degenerate into shouting and name calling, take a break from them. Yes, it can be extremely difficult to bite your tongue and walk away, but engaging and responding just furthers the conflict and the cycle will not be broken.
The most common "yeah, but . . . " we get when we give this advice is "but we need to be able to talk about the children". Again, if the phone call/text/email is about the children, that's fine. If it turns to personal attacks and insults, at that point end the conversation. Set your own boundaries as to how you will be treated.
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