What can you get from resolving a divorce case through mediation that you can't get from court? Many things. For example:
1. Direct communication - how strange is it that in court lawyers and a Judge are having a conversation about the family and who has what summer plans and who wants to travel with the children? Sometimes we will hear a client blurt out to their former spouse, "Can't you and I just figure this out?" Parents speaking directly to each other to sort out their children's schedules and holiday plans and how expenses should be shared. Mediation lets parents do this.
2. The little details - some issues can be hugely important to spouses but not relevant at all to the Judge. Dividing family photographs, who hosts the child's birthday party, use of the family boat, summer camps, grandparent time, bedtimes and common house rules. Those are matters that a mediator can help spouses work into an agreement.
3. Commitment to settlement - spouses are far more likely to follow an agreement that they themselves negotiated, as opposed to a resolution that was forced upon them by a Judge. When they work out their own agreement, they can start looking forward instead of figuring out how to get out of the Judge's order.
4. Less dependency upon lawyers - lawyers provide valuable and crucial services in divorce cases, but they are often asked to do far more than they need to. Numerous letters back and forth and even court documents filed to sort out a Christmas or summer holiday schedule, should the child be in soccer or baseball, completing expense forms, arguing over the reasonableness of a $69 pair of jeans for the child. This is a slow and very expensive way of solving problems. A mediator can take some of the "smaller" issues away from the lawyers and help the spouses sort those ones out themselves. The more difficult legal issues like spousal support can still be litigated but the legal fees at the end of the day will be far less.
5. Talking out the conflict - sometimes the relationship ended due to one spouse's infidelity or irresponsible spending. Sometimes there are serious issues with the children and their behaviour, or troubled teens, or extended family who are causing the marital conflict to escalate. The mediator is a family law file is not there to repair a marriage, but they can help the spouse discuss some of the hurt and anger in order that they can move past it. Sometimes a chance to express those pent-up feelings and a sincere apology can go a long way.
6. A timely resolution - one of the most common complaints from clients going through a contested divorce is about how long things are taking. They wait weeks for lawyers to draft documents or letters, then they wait weeks for the other lawyer to respond. It can be a wait of several months to get a court date, and then those are sometimes adjourned several times. Interim custody and support are dealt with in an entirely different format than the asset division, and that has to be complete before there can be a final order and divorce. Completing it all in one year is very difficult, and many contested cases take several years to complete. On the other hand, spouses can each meet with their own lawyer, then have several meetings with a mediator, meet with their own lawyer again and sign a Separation Agreement in a six week period. Financially and emotionally, this is far preferable to spending years in a drawn-out court battle.
1. Direct communication - how strange is it that in court lawyers and a Judge are having a conversation about the family and who has what summer plans and who wants to travel with the children? Sometimes we will hear a client blurt out to their former spouse, "Can't you and I just figure this out?" Parents speaking directly to each other to sort out their children's schedules and holiday plans and how expenses should be shared. Mediation lets parents do this.
2. The little details - some issues can be hugely important to spouses but not relevant at all to the Judge. Dividing family photographs, who hosts the child's birthday party, use of the family boat, summer camps, grandparent time, bedtimes and common house rules. Those are matters that a mediator can help spouses work into an agreement.
3. Commitment to settlement - spouses are far more likely to follow an agreement that they themselves negotiated, as opposed to a resolution that was forced upon them by a Judge. When they work out their own agreement, they can start looking forward instead of figuring out how to get out of the Judge's order.
4. Less dependency upon lawyers - lawyers provide valuable and crucial services in divorce cases, but they are often asked to do far more than they need to. Numerous letters back and forth and even court documents filed to sort out a Christmas or summer holiday schedule, should the child be in soccer or baseball, completing expense forms, arguing over the reasonableness of a $69 pair of jeans for the child. This is a slow and very expensive way of solving problems. A mediator can take some of the "smaller" issues away from the lawyers and help the spouses sort those ones out themselves. The more difficult legal issues like spousal support can still be litigated but the legal fees at the end of the day will be far less.
5. Talking out the conflict - sometimes the relationship ended due to one spouse's infidelity or irresponsible spending. Sometimes there are serious issues with the children and their behaviour, or troubled teens, or extended family who are causing the marital conflict to escalate. The mediator is a family law file is not there to repair a marriage, but they can help the spouse discuss some of the hurt and anger in order that they can move past it. Sometimes a chance to express those pent-up feelings and a sincere apology can go a long way.
6. A timely resolution - one of the most common complaints from clients going through a contested divorce is about how long things are taking. They wait weeks for lawyers to draft documents or letters, then they wait weeks for the other lawyer to respond. It can be a wait of several months to get a court date, and then those are sometimes adjourned several times. Interim custody and support are dealt with in an entirely different format than the asset division, and that has to be complete before there can be a final order and divorce. Completing it all in one year is very difficult, and many contested cases take several years to complete. On the other hand, spouses can each meet with their own lawyer, then have several meetings with a mediator, meet with their own lawyer again and sign a Separation Agreement in a six week period. Financially and emotionally, this is far preferable to spending years in a drawn-out court battle.
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