Why Shared Custody Does Not Work

Although more and more Judges are moving toward granting shared custody to parents, there are many families in which shared custody will not work. Some of the more common reasons are:

1. High conflict cases. 

Some marital separations are very heated, with strong feelings on both sides. Even with the passage of time conflict can continue to be extreme. Some separations are so bitter that there is little to no chance that the parents will actually be able to co-parent. They disagree for the sake of disagreement and cannot see past their anger and hurt to focus on their children. 

There are so many decisions and activities and schedules to be made for busy children, and shared custody requires the parents to have a great deal of contact and good communication skills. Forcing this upon warring spouses is only going to cause emotional harm to their child.

2. Uncooperative Spouses. 

Often even in happy marriages, co-parenting can be a challenge. Two spouses may not have the same views on religion, discipline, medical treatment, house rules and extra-curricular activities. 

Parents living separately will have these same differing views, but must find a way to work it out. One cannot be opposed to a prescription medication, but the other insistent upon giving it to the child. One parent cannot have a strict curfew and the other parent none. They must keep the other informed of everything. In particular with teenagers, both parents being on the same page is crucial. If they cannot reconcile their views, shared custody cannot work.

3. Simple Geography. 

After a separation, not all parents remain in the same community. The reality is that children have to attend school in one community, and a long commute may not be practical. If the parents live more than about an hour’s drive apart, it is unlikely that they can work out a true equal time sharing schedule.  

4. Unequal Participation. 

In some families, one parent may play a larger role and do more of the work in the raising of the children. When this happens in a shared custody situation, it will create tension and hard feelings. Both parents may enjoy weekend and summer fun with the children, but both parents also have to make long drives to hockey tournaments, set up and attend doctor and dentist appointments and school functions, and help the children with homework.

 

5. Financial Inequalities. 

There can be child support payable in shared custody situations. Normally the parent with the higher income will pay support to the other parent. The amount is usually the difference between each parent’s Child Support Guideline table amount. 

Even if support is paid in this way, the parents still should be sharing the child’s expenses equally. Clothing, shoes, school supplies and fees, sports, entertainment, haircuts, RESP, medical and dental costs should be shared. Not surprisingly, this is not an easy thing to arrange and can lead to a breakdown of the shared parenting arrangement.

Given the challenges of it, parents who make shared parenting work for their children’s benefit should be very proud.